(Group A Forever ! ! ! )

As a right thinking member of Group A, I know that all of our societies ills are the fault of Group B. Of the hundreds (maybe thousands) of things we disagree on, it is clear to me that Group A holds the correct position on each and every one. It is purely a coincidence that there are an almost exactly equal number of people who support the ideas of Group B – holding the exact opposite position on these issues. The only explanation for this large group getting every single issue exactly wrong is that half of all people are smart and half stupid.

Now, occasionally someone in group B will say something that I am forced to agree with, and occasionally it may seem like one of THEM is actually also a smart person. The explanation for this is that it is a trick. If you are smart enough to see deeper to the subtext, they are saying true stuff, not because they think that important truths need to be said, but because it is a way to make Group A look bad. Or, if one of them is smart, they are also evil and just say what they do for personal gain, not because they believe it. So instead of looking for common ground in what appears to be a shared truth, or stopping to consider why another person sees the world differently than I do, the smart thing to do is defend OUR position by shouting them down.

To give any one of THEM credit for either good intent or valid insight would add support to the positions they hold that I do not agree with, so instead I must claim that they are only saying true things for false reasons. Then I must bring up all the bad stuff I blame on their group and try to shift the argument to the issues that I feel most comfortable arguing that make me more sure that everything my group believes is the truth – even though all the issues are not logically connected and I have just put them in the same mental bucket labeled “things Group A believes” so that I can just think about the ones I am really sure about and conclude from those ideas, that all of the others that I don’t have time to think about, because they are more complicated, must also be true.

Now I know that some people actually claim to have a set of beliefs that holds some things that Group A believes and some things that Group B believes. While these people might be well meaning in some cases (like situations where they agree with me on a particular issue) my below the surface analysis reveals to me that they are really just deluded tools of Group B.

It is important to me that there only are two possible sides, and that all the various positions held on various issues by my side must be right and the other side must always be wrong. If this is not the case, then the whole group identity falls apart. If people can be right about some things and wrong about others, then there would really be millions of possibles “sides” and it is no longer US against THEM with a large, easily understandable enemy and many many good friends, but rather, it might turn out that it is just me alone, and a lot of other people who are all individuals – not easily viewed as 100% friends or 100% enemy – 100% right or 100% wrong.

It might even turn out that on some issues there are no 100% right answers that work for everybody – that sometimes I don’t know best – that sometimes nobody knows best, and that the best thing to do is actually let people act according to their own hearts, rather than trying to set a single rule for everyone to follow. It might even turn out that this is true for almost every issue that divides us into groups…

And that would be very scary and confusing.

In fact, some of my best friends are Odds.

However, there exist certain realities of the world we live in that can not be ignored. As much as I believe that in some ideal world, Evens and Odds could live together peacefully side by side – this is the real world. We live on one side of the street and they live on the other, and it has been this way for as long as there have been street addresses.

I know that these days, more association’s between Odds and Evens is often tolerated, and I have no problem with that – I think it is healthy. But I think it is also clear that some people would take this trend a little too far. For example, the idea of allowing internumerical marriages is clearly ridiculous. How would the couple decide which side of the street they should live on? Even if you believe that parity can be changed, which spouse would be required to go through the difficult process of conversion and leave their family and friends behind?

And converted spouses would certainly be hurt to see their children growing up in a house with an address of opposite parity from their own childhood. Even if the neighbors didn’t find out and say something, the converted spouse may feel obligated to tell their children that they were born with a different parity. This kind of information, received at too early an age, could scar the children for life. Clearly a mixed parity household could never be a healthy environment for raising children, and should not, therefor, be legal.

And the idea of changing parity is itself a distressful one. Our parity is an essential part of our identity. Can you even imagine living on the other side of the street? Always turning left where you used to turn right? Always separated from your natural heritage by the pavement? Your old hangouts would be right there for you to see, but you would be unable to visit them without arranging for a special trip to the other side. And this can be a significant hassle – requiring a passport and a special visa – not to mention being poked and probed by customs agents of another parity.

I know that some radicals have called for the elimination of restrictions on cross street travel, but they are at best naive and at worst part of a conspiracy to destroy our way of life. While most Odds are certainly decent people, it can not be denied that some of them envy and hate us, and we can not make it easy for those who do to move among us undetected. Carefully searching their possessions and checking their backgrounds is a necessary precaution if we are to allow them to visit our side of the street at all – and we can not be surprised when they feel the need to do the same – even if we know that this is unnecessary precaution on their parts.

Some have accused Evens of perpetuating this long division – of deliberately persecuting Odds. And while there may be those who believe that Evens are naturally superior because (on average) we tend to have larger numbers, I don’t feel that this is particularly true, and I don’t think most other Evens do either. While we may be better at reading, writing, and ‘rithmatic, they certainly have some talents that we don’t – for example, better fashion sense and dancing ability. This is just the way the postmaster made us.

Its not that we don’t like Odds, or look down upon them in any way, we just understand that a natural separation is desirable – that people are most comfortable surrounded by their own kind. And I think that most Odds feel the same way. They have no problem with the idea that we are separate but equal. They take pride in their Oddness and should have no problem with us taking pride in our beautiful Evenness.

I believe that we can continue to share the world peacefully, but any rational minded person sees that it is for the best if we continue to live on our side of the street and they on theirs.